I don't want this blog to end up being a downer - I'm NOT a downer... at least I don't think I am.
I'm just feeling down right now. And as my personal outlet, it gets shared here.
Bare with me, I assure you I'll change my tune soon enough.
I am feeling incredibly defeated in life right now. There have been days when I just cry and cry and cry.
I don't know if it's my depression creeping back up on me, or if I'm legitimately distraught due to events in my life.
I hate my job - that's no secret.
My 9 month old cat ran away - I feel like the worst mom ever.
I have a major exam in 6 weeks and my current level of defeat makes me feel like this is an insurmountable task.
I feel like I need to do some "me" work, but then there are the stresses of real life - how will I pay for things? everyone will be disappointed in me if I leave my job, defer my exam, or just take a break from life in general.
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place and I need a hand getting out of here.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Dilemma
To quit, or not to quit? That is the question...
I think I've decided (yes, after only two weeks) that this job is not the perfect fit for me.
I'm really not doing anything accounting related, and while I don't claim to be an expert, I have more than enough experience to at least warrant a little bit of confidence in my skills.
When I started at Mistura I was thrown in head first without a life vest. While I was beyond stressed, and slightly overwhelmed at first, it was FUN! The people, the environment, the customers, and the fact that little Coco could come with me were just some of the hundreds of perks I had there.
Although I was inexperienced, I felt respected, and I felt that they were beyond confident in my abilities. That made me feel good.
There's nothing here that makes me feel good. I'm not even trusted to make a check run to the bank for the owner (something I've done for previous employers since I was 16) without someone checking up on me. Oh, and did I mention I was on the floor for half an hour yesterday fixing a carpet?
I have every teensy little mistake pointed out to me - and not politely. And I'll be honest - I find I make silly little mistakes because it BORES me and I want to complete it as quickly as possible. If I'm not challenged and pushed, and learning new things, I'm not happy.
Who knows when I'll get the responsibilities I was described in my interview? Weeks? Months? YEARS?! god forbid... But am I willing to stick around to find out?
What would you do? Stay? Leave without having something else lined up? I don't want her to think I'm comfortable or happy here either.
Dilemma.
I think I've decided (yes, after only two weeks) that this job is not the perfect fit for me.
I'm really not doing anything accounting related, and while I don't claim to be an expert, I have more than enough experience to at least warrant a little bit of confidence in my skills.
When I started at Mistura I was thrown in head first without a life vest. While I was beyond stressed, and slightly overwhelmed at first, it was FUN! The people, the environment, the customers, and the fact that little Coco could come with me were just some of the hundreds of perks I had there.
Although I was inexperienced, I felt respected, and I felt that they were beyond confident in my abilities. That made me feel good.
There's nothing here that makes me feel good. I'm not even trusted to make a check run to the bank for the owner (something I've done for previous employers since I was 16) without someone checking up on me. Oh, and did I mention I was on the floor for half an hour yesterday fixing a carpet?
I have every teensy little mistake pointed out to me - and not politely. And I'll be honest - I find I make silly little mistakes because it BORES me and I want to complete it as quickly as possible. If I'm not challenged and pushed, and learning new things, I'm not happy.
Who knows when I'll get the responsibilities I was described in my interview? Weeks? Months? YEARS?! god forbid... But am I willing to stick around to find out?
What would you do? Stay? Leave without having something else lined up? I don't want her to think I'm comfortable or happy here either.
Dilemma.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Crazy Criticisms
I'm a pretty critical person, and I'm aware of it.
I like to blame my family a little bit for this one, as unfair as that may be. You could be good, but there was always room to be better... at least according to them.
Is it hereditary?
I do it to my live-in boyfriend all the time and I can't help it. It's like word vomit, it just comes out. I almost have this out of body experience where I can SEE myself doing it, and I think "no! stop! don't!" but it's too late.
Now that the tables have turned, I can see things from his perspective a little more clearly...
Nothing I do at my new job is ever right. I'm watched like a hawk, and the tiniest of slip-ups (we're talking calling an "index" a "table of contents" in a conversation) I get reemed out for.
I get it, people like it when things are done a certain way, especially in their own domain. But there has to be a nicer way to say it, right? It's hard to have your self-confidence in your abilities ripped away from you for such insignificant things.
Maybe I should ease up on the bf the next time he's in my domain (cleaning the house) and let him do things his own way... as long as the end result is achieved, who cares what methods got you there?
I like to blame my family a little bit for this one, as unfair as that may be. You could be good, but there was always room to be better... at least according to them.
Is it hereditary?
I do it to my live-in boyfriend all the time and I can't help it. It's like word vomit, it just comes out. I almost have this out of body experience where I can SEE myself doing it, and I think "no! stop! don't!" but it's too late.
Now that the tables have turned, I can see things from his perspective a little more clearly...
Nothing I do at my new job is ever right. I'm watched like a hawk, and the tiniest of slip-ups (we're talking calling an "index" a "table of contents" in a conversation) I get reemed out for.
I get it, people like it when things are done a certain way, especially in their own domain. But there has to be a nicer way to say it, right? It's hard to have your self-confidence in your abilities ripped away from you for such insignificant things.
Maybe I should ease up on the bf the next time he's in my domain (cleaning the house) and let him do things his own way... as long as the end result is achieved, who cares what methods got you there?
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